I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me. -Psalm 16:8b

First of all, I need to write something about this lil miracle I'm carrying. I haven't posted anything yet because we were waiting to tell everyone until I was at least 12 weeks along, and then after that things got a bit crazy so I didn't really feel like blogging about it. Anyway, Ryan and I are having a baby and I'm due September 25th. I am so very excited, and Ryan said he was too, (he's the one that wanted to have a september baby) but apparently he's not excited enough to stick around. 

On Sunday night (the 22nd) Ryan never came home. I didn't hear from him at all until Monday afternoon. I spent the whole night crying, praying, and looking for him. It was horrible... one of the worst experiences of my life, and I've had a lot of bad ones lol.He told me Monday that he had partied with some friends and gotten back into some things that he's struggled with in the past. He has not been home since, because I refuse to live that way, especially with a baby on the way and two kids in the house already. I still love Ryan so much and I hope and pray that he's gonna come out of this okay, but I have to take care of myself and kids.  He has chosen to give up his new life and family to go back to his old one, and I am having a very hard time understanding his decision. He was so lonely and miserable when we met, and he's been through so much in his life... I can't imagine why he'd want to give up a family that loves and needs him so much to go back to living that way, but it's his choice and there's nothing I can do but pray for him. I hope that others that care for us will lift him up in prayer also, and remember to pray for the kids and I as well. We are very sad right now, and I'm trying my best to trust God and not worry how the bills are going to be paid. I'm so grateful for all the love support, encouragement, and prayers that friends and family have already offered. I know that God is good, and he's going to meet our every need. 

Satan is doing his best to take everything he can from me, and I'm not sure why. I'm beginning to feel a little like Job lol. I know he is out only to steal, kill, and destroy... and that's exactly what he's trying to do to my life, but I refuse to let him. "Greater is He (God) that is in me, than he (Satan) that is in the world!" - 1 John 4:4b Satan has already taken my husband and the father of my baby, and he's working on my job right now (by causing me to lose kids and hindering me from finding new ones for my daycare) which would lead to losing my house and many other things. He's causing me to have a hard time carrying this baby and my doctor has told me that I shouldn't work at Hoffbrau at least until I stop having so much pain/cramping, but I have no choice... I have to work. I will find more kids to watch by God's grace and provision, and my kids and I are going to be alright. I claim these things in Jesus' name! I rebuke you Satan and all that you are trying to destroy in my life. You will not have the victory!

"I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken for He is right beside me." - Psalm 16:8

"Lead me in the right path Lord, or my enemies will conquer me. Tell me clearly what to do, and show me which way to turn." -Psalm 5:8

"God will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory." -Philippians 4:19

"The God of peace will crush Satan under your feet shortly, and the grace of our Lord Jesus will be with you." -Romans 16:20

"Therefore submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you." -James 4:7

"Know that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." -James 1:3-4