Ramblings from a half-mended heart

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Ramblings from a half-mended heart:  Current mood:  contemplative  Category: Romance and Relationships Losing out on the life you wanted, the life that you thought you had... Maybe you did actually have it for a while, and that's why it hurts so bad. To lose the desire of your heart, your lifelong fantasy Of a life full of love and laughter, and unity of family... To have a partner in everything, to never face a challenge alone, To have someone that loves your children to the same depth, And help you shape them as they grow... These things are invaluable. They're more precious than diamonds or gold. Once you lose this person, life, dream, you can never have it back; it's gone. You might find someone new, even fall in love again; But it will never be the same. This is a different man. You don't share the same memories. You have a separate history. How he became the man he is will always be a mystery. He does not understand you either, because he wasn't there... To hold your hand through labor pains and those precious first moments share. He doesn't know the way you looked before time stole your youth, Before your body stretched and grew to give two babies birth. He'll never know the way you moved before the music died. He wasn't there to hold you tight all those endless nights you cried. He won't ever understand your pain, nor will you fathom his. He's gone through more than a lifetimes worth of lonely night and tragedies. So you love each other... And that should be enough? Maybe...maybe... but it's gonna be so tough. See, everything in this new life reminds you of something from your old one. Because of this you're forced to mourn before every setting of the sun. You can't bury it, grieve, and move on. The one you lost isn't dead in the ground. He's still near, still living, also giving love another go-round. You're forced to see him often, because of those angels you share. Being tormented by a living ghost is now your cross to bear. If he had died you could've mourned and then moved on, but no. Divorce ended your dream, not death; this is the lowest feeling of low. Oh how I long for death- sometimes his, sometimes my own. Not that I would take a life! I'll leave that thought alone. How could I have lost this dream? Why can't I have it back again? Gone forever, but still there... Knocking on my door again. He's come to take the kids away, and she waits in the car. They'll take them and play house a while; I'll pray they'll leave no scar. When they return I thank my God, for bringing them back home. I thank Him too for this new man that saved me from being alone. I lean on family, friends, and God because my own strength is long gone. What depths can a second love grow to? I'm at the end of me, together we must keep on.